Another Year Older, and None the Wiser...

It's hard to believe we are in the middle of March and another birthday has passed for me. Luckily I still have one more year in my 20's before turning the big 3-0, and I am relieved. I'm not ready to grow up and be a 30 year old adult. I enjoy being a 20 something-year-old, swinging on swings and playing tag (even without my kids). It's even harder to believe how much my little guys are growing up. I remember thinking last year on Andrew's birthday how this would be the last year he could hold up just one hand to signify his age. And on Aaron's thinking that his bday would be the LAST 1st bday we celebrate as a family (little did I know God had a different plan for us). Now to look at my boys at 2 years, 4 years and 6 years old, I am amazed. It once again makes me question my age and maturity. Am I really old enough to have 3 kids and one more on the way? I am thankful that I will be done having kids by the age of 30, because that was always my own personal age limit. I just never thought the number of kids would end up being 4 after we actually started a family. I will admit, even 4 1/2 months later, a HUGE part of me is still in shock over the pregnancy. As I get bigger, feel the baby move more, hear the heartbeat and glance at the pics time to time it does sink in more. When we found out about this one it was definitely a bittersweet moment. The brief thought of "this could be our girl" was quickly replaced with thoughts of a summer pregnancy, being cut open a 4th time, being up all night again for feedings, having a child constantly on my hip when Aaron had just finally gained more independence, diaper changing for another 2 years, finishing the bedrooms downstairs sooner than expected to make more room, and lastly just the added expense of another child (especially since I had just recently given ALL my baby stuff away). So many overwhelming thoughts and emotions that I had never experienced with my other pregnancies. Are we really ready for all this again? Then I look around at all the people who never get a chance to experience these thoughts, feelings and even fears. My husband has a job, we have a house, 2 cars, savings in the bank and most of all a very supportive family and group of friends. I mean, here I am 29 years old and am still acting selfish about the greatest miracle that can be given to a person which leaves me to conclude - another year older and still none the wiser...