What If...

"Life is about two things; choices and mistakes. No matter what, you will always be making them. It's how you deal with it that makes you who you are."

I am the type of person that tends to live in the past quite a bit. I hold on to thoughts, moments and decisions longer than I really should. All too often I even go through the "what could have been" scenarios. The past year has been filled with a lot of those due to the struggles and hard decisions I have had to make. Life changing decisions, that at times, have made me regret choices in the past. A lot of people say you should never regret because it does no good... the choice was made and you learned something, be it good or bad. However, we're only human and that's easier said than done. I try to make the best out of every situation and look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sure there are times I feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts, but during those times I work hard to stay optimistic and think of the things I have been blessed with. My children always come to mind first. My decisions in the past have brought me those 4 beautiful gifts that I wouldn't trade for the world. I do wish the road to having them and raising them were easier, and that the choices I make didn't have to affect them so much. I will admit, I do fear them looking back on their childhood and having those same "what if" moments. I pray that when they get older they can look back on their childhood and say it was wonderful despite some of the tough situations or times caused by my decisions. Am I crazy to think like that? Does anyone share that fear? I suppose I should proabably just shut up and continue to do the best I am able to and stop worrying about looking back already. But I know it will still be there in my back of my mind... I mean, what if???

" 'What' and 'if' are two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: 'What if?'..." - Letters to Juliet