Out of the Mouths of Babes...

* I'm reposting this because I have added a ton more funny quotes from the boys since I first posted!*

It seems that everyday at least one my kids says

something absolutely hilarious. I repeat it to family and friends throughout the week, but then tend to forget as months go on. With everything else I have to remember, it's impossible for my brain to hold all their silly little thoughts and phrases. So, I figured I would jot them down here for safekeeping and to help me laugh during the tough times with them. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. I will  be updating this daily periodically, so make sure to check back often! Enjoy!!!

Andrew:
~ We had my little brothers graduation party at my house back in 2006. At that time, Andrew was regularly attending church with my parents. They would always pick him up on Sunday morning and tell him they were going to church to see Jesus. Well, when the pastor and his wife showed up at my brothers party, Andrew walked up to me and said, "Look mommy, Jesus is here." (3 y/o)
~ Andrew always said he wanted to marry me when he got older. So one day we were talking and he said he wanted to marry Alexis instead. When I asked him why her and not me anymore, he responded, "Well, you're older than me, so that means you will die sooner." Thanks, Andrew! (6 y/o)
~ "Nana (Krim), I want you to watch my kids when I get older, so we are just going to live with you." (6 y/o)
~ "I want that food that starts with B. Ya know, Ba-scettio's (spagettio's) ." (6 y/o)
~ "Hey mom, guess what? The lady at the haircut place put some jello in my hair to make it look cool." (6 y/o)
~ "Austin, when we die we get to bowl all day." (6 y/o)
~ Austin had been throwing up one day and finally started seeming better so I offered him some candy. Apparently, Andrew was a little worried and said, ""Austin, you should eat the yellow Laffy Taffy first in case you throw up. Then you won't waste the red one, because that's my favorite." (7 y/o)
~ Andrew: "Mom, is Chicago in Michigan?" Me: "No, it's in Illinois." Andrew: "ILLINOIS!? Do they even speak English there?? If not, I'm not going because I don't know Spanish!!" (7 y/o)
~ Andrew: "Mom, can I have some Skittles? I only want a few because I am trying to lay off the sugar." (8 y/o)
~ "Mom, did you know that you are persuading me not to play football!?" Special thanks to his teachers for teaching him to be far too smart! (8 y/o)
~ Me: "Andrew, we might have to go to the doctors before you leave for camp so you can get a booster shot." Andrew (crying): "What!? Just because I don't have to sit in my booster seat anymore I have to get a shot!?" (8 y/o)
~ "MOM! I think someone broke into our house when we were gone last night because a bunch of our Lego guys are missing!!" (8 y/o)
~ "Mom, I need to get on the computer and look up the difference between antonyms and cinnamons." (8 y/o)
~ "Mom, don't you think Austin is such a chatterbox!?" (8 y/o)
~ (A few days before Christmas, our bedtime convo one night) Me: "Why do we celebrate Christmas?" Andrew: "Because it's when Jesus was born." Me: "And do you remember where he was born?" Austin: "Yup! In a manger!" Andrew: "Yea because all the hotel rooms were booked." (8 y/o)

Austin:
~ One morning when I told Austin to go brush his teeth, he responded back, "I want to mommy, but my hands won't let me!" (4 y/o)
~ One day after going downstairs after it rained and seeing our basement had flooded he yelled, "Mommy, can I get my bathing suit on? I want to go swimming in that pool!" (4 y/o)
~ One day when I was having a talk with him, he stopped me mid sentence and said, "Hey mommy, I see two Austins in your eyes. That means you ARE my mommy!" (4 y/o)
~ At the pediatricians office after watching Alexis get a couple shots, "Umm nurse, you REALLY hurt her!" (5 y/o)
~ His comment after he saw me cough one day "Mommy, don't you know you are supposed to cover your cough!?" (5 y/o)
~ One afternoon after finding a spider in our basement, "Hey mom, call the Imagination Movers. It's an emergency. We have a big problem in our home!" (5 y/o)
~ At the barber getting his haircut one day he shrieked, "Are you making me bald???" (5 y/o)
~ I got the boys Resurrection eggs and he loves going through them and saying what each figurine means. Well, one day when he got to the whip, this was his explanation... "And this is Indiana Jones' whip that the soldiers used to hit Jesus."  Indiana Jones lent out his whip!?! (5 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mommy, you need to paint your nails so you can look beautiful again!" (5 y/o)
~ One day while playing outdoors he comes and knocks on the door to show me dandelions he picked and says, "Mommy, I picked you flowers to put in your hair so you can be pretty." (5 y/o)
~ "I'm only going to marry girls with yellow hair." (5 y/o)
~ "Mom, we need to buy a new house. This one keeps making me get hurt!" (5 y/o)
~ One morning getting them all ready, as I was brushing his teeth he plugged my nose. When I asked him why, he said, "Because your breath is stinky and I don't want you to smell it." (5 y/o)
~ One day he brought me one of his legos that needed to be fixed. As I was trying to fix it, he put his hands together, closed his eyes and bowed his head and said, "Dear God, could you please fix my little lego so I can back downstairs and build my fort. Amen." By the time he opened his eyes, I had fixed it already. So he put his hands back together and bowed his head again and said, "Nevermind God. Mommy fixed it." (5 y/o)
~ "Mom, my body doesn't like the water in my cup. It only likes it from a big boy cup." (5 y/o)
~ "Hey mom, do you know what food gives me gas?" (5 y/o)
~  Me: "Austin, what's mommy's name?" Austin: "Umm, I was almost gonna remember, but then I didn't." (5 y/o)
~ Austin: "I love you mommy." Me: "Thanks! Why do you say that?" Austin: "Because you look lovely." (5 y/o)
~ "Mommy, will you please open your listening ears so you can hear what I am trying to tell you!?" (5 y/o)
~ "Mommy, I have an idea. How about instead of putting vigigar (vinegar) in my mouth or spanking my butt when I am naughty, you just blow your stinky breath on me in the morning." (5 y/o)
~ One day Austin came home from kindergarten and handed me a handful of popcorn seeds and said, "Look Mom! I saved some popcorn seeds to plant so we could grow a popcorn tree!" (5 y/o)
~ "Mom, I think you should you put your hair in a pony tail because you look prettiest like that..." (5 y/o)
~ "Mom, we worship when we sing to God." (5 y/o)
~ Austin: "MOM, look what I just found on Alexis' foot!?" Me: "You mean her sock??" Austin: "Oh, I didn't know it was supposed to be on there." (5 y/o)
~ Austin's class was working on rhyming words with his kindergarten teacher. She would say a few words and he would have to give one more thay rhymed... simple, right!? Here's how one of the sequences went down... Mrs. Martin: "Austin, finish this rhyme for me. Hot, pot, not..." Austin: "Moose!" (5 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mom, what comes after the number 109?" Me: "110" Austin: "Hmm, that doesn't sound right. I'll just ask my teacher tomorrow." (5 y/o)
~ Me: "Austin, why is the picture you colored laying inside my food pantry?" Austin: "So when people get hungry, they will open it and see my beautiful creation." (5 y/o)
~ Me: "Austin, if don't behave the next few days Santa will only bring you coal for Christmas." Austin: "Oooh, coal is COOL! I can make a big fire with it!" (5 y/o)
~ A few days after Christmas in 2010 it started raining and melted all the snow. Austin looked out the back door and shouted, "Look Mom, the snow is gone! That means it's Easter tomorrow!" (5 years old)
~ "Mommy, I am thankful for you and I am thankful for my birthday. Now what does thankful mean again?" (6 y/o)
~ Austin (bawling his eyes out after reading a book): "Mom, I don't want to go to college when I get bigger." Me: "Why not?" Austin: "Because I want to stay here. I don't want to ever leave you." (6 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mom, your new hair doesn't look like MY mommy's hair." Me: "Well do you like my new hair?" Austin: "No, you looked prettier before." Thanks, Austin! (6 y/o)
~ After church one day he says, "Mom, don't just listen to God's word, you must do what He says. Otherwise you're just a foolin' yourself." (6 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mom, can I pour the cheese in the macaroni?" Me: "No." Austin: "Then when can I do it?" Me: " When you get older." Austin: "No I can't! I'm going to be a scientist when I get older! Not a cook!" Then a few days later... "Mom, when I growed up, I am gonna be a builder so I can make you stuff for our house. Then after that I am gonna be a Ninja." (6 y/o)
~ "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, sayin' ay-oh, I got an acorn... I'm gonna celebrate and live my life, sayin' ay-oh, I got an acorn" (6 y/o)
~ "Mommy, I know how people get to Heaven when they die. They lay down, and then another body that looks like them comes. Then, a elevator comes and they ride on it all the way up to Heaven with God! And to go to Hell, there is a trap door in floor." (6 y/o)
~ One morning he got mad at me for not letting him play video games and yelled, "Fine, then I am not marrying you anymore when I get older!" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, can we go to the store tomorrow and buy some more money?" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, why do you sometimes like to act like a villian to us and put us in time out?" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, I didn't spill my milk. It just escaped out of my cup!" (6 y/o)
~ "Look Mom! Alexis has a mohog in her hair!" (6 y/o)
~ Austin:"Aaron, can you pass gas again? I want to see what yours smells like!" Me: "Austin, that's gross!" Austin: "Mom, I just want to see what flavor comes out!" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom! Hurry up and open the door so I can let this grasshopper out before it dies! It's soo cute! Goodbye little buddy!" (6 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mom, come smell this smell in your bathroom! I don't know what it is!?" Me: "Umm, did you just poop?" Austin: "Oh yea." Talk about your short term memory! (6 y/o)
~ Austin and Aaron were fighting over a toy so I went downstairs to take care of business. Well, when I got down there, Aaron was crying and Austin had his head down, hands folded together and his eyes closed and proceeded to say "Dear Jesus, please take Aaron away up to Heaven so I can play with all the toys by myself. Amen."  (6 y/o)
~ ‎"Mom, we were trying to do target practice in the shower with the sprayer and the ceiling got in the way. Sorry it's wet." (6 y/o)
~ "Umm, Mom? Since I asked Jesus into my heart lots of times, can they dunk me in the water now at church?" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, when I am talking to you, you need to pay better attention to me." (6 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mom, when I grow up do you want me to be a 'Hole in the Wall' player, or scientist?"
Me: "Honey, probably a scientist since the other one is just a game." Austin: "But Mom, I don't care if I lose on 'Hole in the Wall'. It's just for fun. If you win all you get is a trophy. And trophy's are dumb... they don't do nothing!" Me: "Well Austin, I am glad you thought this through. I guess be whatever you want to be."  (6 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mommy, if you ever see a gun, you need to stop, don't touch and go tell an adult." Me: "Austin, I am an adult." Austin: "No, you're not a adult. You're a mommy!" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, will you step on this (scale)? I want to see how much your feet weigh!!" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, where is the comb? My hair is all funky!" (6 y/o)
~ "Umm Aunt Megan, do you know why I can't marry when I get bigger? Because when I'm growed up, you will already be in Heaven." (6 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mom, can you build me my own house to live in?" Andrew: "Austin, she doesn't know how to build houses." Austin: "Yes she does! She builded us our (toy) work bench downstairs!!" (6 y/o)
~ "Oh no Mom! All the snow melted! Does that mean Christmas is canceled?" (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, can I have a apple?... cause my body feels like it didn't eat something healthy already today." (6 y/o)
~ "Mom! Something amazing happen! I just feeled my brain think in my head!" (6 y/o)

~  "Mom, tonight I am gonna pray to Jesus to give you more money so you can get us more Lego sets we really want."  (6 y/o)
~ Austin: "Mom, you shouldn't be a mommy. You should be a teacher." Me: "Why?" Austin: "Because you wear glasses, and only teachers wear glasses. Not mommies." (6 y/o)
~ "Mom, it's a good thing we pray to Jesus at home, because they forget to tell us to everyday at my school." (7 y/o)
~ "Mom, at school they're only teaching me to be a fluent reader. But when I growed up, I don't want to be a fluent reader. I want to be a Lego Creator, remember?"
~ "Hey Mom! Are these decorations for my winkie?"... upon discovering his scrotum while peeing one morning. (7 y/o)

~ "Mom, I think there's a crack in my brain because I keep forgetting what you tell me to do." (7 y/o)
~ "Mom! Come look! Melted poop just comed out my butt!" (7 y/o)
~ Funny pronunciations: Aminal = animal, Alin = alien

Aaron:

~ After waking up from a nap in a bad mood, "Don't look at me ANYBODY!" (3 y/o)
~ On his birthday when I asked him how old he is, "I five". So then I asked him how old Austin was and he responded, "Austin three". He was smart enough to switch ages and make himself older!
~ After watching Alvin and the Chipmunks he came in my room and said, "Hellooooo gorgeous!" (3 y/o)
~ Another day after he spilled his milk he said, "My milk felled! Oh snap!" (3 y/o)
~ After asking him for a kiss and hug, he responded, "How 'bout tomorrow?" (3 y/o)
~ He and I were talking about how his best buddy Nolan was going to come over. So then I said, "Do you love Nolan?" Aarons response, "Yes." So then I asked, "Do you love me?" And he said, "Yea, but Nollie first."  (3 y/o)
~ Aaron: "Mommy, I want to eat my Easter bunny." Me: "After dinner." Aaron: "Ok. I want laffy taffy for dinner." (3 y/o)
~ One day when Austin was done going to the bathroom and asked me to help him wipe, Aaron ran into the bathroom, grabbed toliet paper and shouted, "No, I wipe him!" Kicker of it all, he is younger and not even potty trained yet! (3 y/o)
~ In the bathtub one night with Alexis, "Oh no mommy! Lexis winkie felled off!" Austin's response, "Don't worry Aaron, she can just pee out her butt like mommy." (Aaron 3 y/o, Austin 5 y/o)
~ On the 2nd straight day of rain, "Mom, tell the rain to get in your car and go away." (3 y/o)
~ While we were trick-or-treating when he was 3, he would only go up to the houses that gave him laffy taffy or suckers. If anyone tried putting something else in his basket, he would take it out and give it back to them. (3 y/o)
~ One day Aaron was going to lunch with his dad. As he was walking out the door, I told him I was going to miss him. He replied, "Don't worry Mom, we will play together when I come back." (3 y/o)
~ "Mommy, Lexis didn't put her bowl in the sink. Don't worry, I doed it!" (3 y/o)
~ "Good morning Lexi. I missed you so much." (3 y/o)
~ "Mom, can I have a baby powder donut?" (4 y/o)
~ "Mom, don't make your mean eyes at me. Only do your good eyes. Okay!?" (4 y/o)
~ Me: "Alexis, are you stinky?" Aaron: "Don't worry, Mom. I will smell her butt for you!" (4 y/o)
~ One day as I was getting ready for church he asked, "Mommy, are you going to church to see Jesus?"  I told him yes and then he said, "Aww man! Jesus doesn't come see me in MY class!" (4 y/o)
~ Me: "What's your name?" Aaron: "Aaron." Me: "Aaron what?" Aaron: "Aaron Miward." Then he pauses and thinks for a minute and then says, "No, I Aaron Krim because I love Nana Krim!"
~ It happened to snow two days before Easter this year. Aaron noticed it on the ground and said "Hey, it's not supposed to be Christmas. I thought you said it was Easter, Momma." (4 y/o)
~ Aaron: "Mommy, where did Aggi get her purple flower purse?" Me: "From Aunt Patty for Easter." Aaron: "Ohhhh,, I wish Aunt Patty would get ME one!" (4 y/o)
~ "Momma, I can't wait til I get a baby in my belly because I love babies!" (4 y/o)
~ "Mommy, I love my bestfriend Lexi because she talks to me." (4 y/o)
~ Me: "Aaron, thanks for helping mommy!" Aaron: "I'm the best helper, right?" Me: "Yes you are." Aaron: "Good. Are you gonna keep me then?" (5 y/o)
~ Me: "Aaron, did you know Nana Krim is my mommy?" Aaron: "Oh, when you were a little girl she was?" Me: "Yes, and still today." Aaron: "No. She can't be because you're a mommy now!"

Aaron's silly faces (4 y/o)...

 

Alexis:

~ "Look Momma, doggy!" and then pointed at a grasshopper! (1 y/o)
~ Me: "Alexis, are you gonna be a good girl today?" Alexis: "Ummm, no." (1 y/o)

~ "Momma, im a PRINCESS!" (2 y/o)

~ "Mommy, the monster gonna get you... grrrr!" (2 y/o)

~  Me: "Alexis, sit down and eat your dinner!" Alexis: "No momma, I not hear you." (2 y/o)
~ "Momma, you heared dat!? I stinky butt!!!" (2 y/o)
~ "Momma, you trouble! I pank a butt!" (2 y/o)
~ Me: "Alexis, you are such a little ham!" Alexis: "No momma, I just me Lexi!" (2 y/o)
~ Alexis (upon waking up and seeing Aaron cuddling on my lap): "Mommy, Aaron taking my (s)nuggles." (2 y/o)
~ Driving in the car one day: "Go dat way, sweetie." (2 y/o)
~ Referring to my bra on my bed one day: "Mommy, dere's eggs on you bed. Are eggs go asweep? Night night eggs!" (2 y/o)

Finding humor in everything...